Alright, sexys. This is a new, occasional column up on the blog. Please do click over there to chime in with your own advice.

Also, can’t recommend enough the very hot ongoing story being written by @mal8899 in the Erotic Collaborations section (and I’m sure she’s looking for smart, willing collaborators, which is sort of the point): http://www.thesexexperiment.com/groups/erotic-collaborations/

And, finally, quite a few people getting naked in the Photo Orgy these days. Call that a subtle hint.

Stay sexy.

I can not comment on the main page, it is probably my privacy settings, but maybe you can re-post this for Michael from me.

I have no qualifications for advising anyone about anything. But I love sex and possibilities and articulate strangers TOO, so I am jumping in. I think Mr. X nailed it, so I’m just going to try and build on what he laid out with more examples.

Plan, imagine, dream, but I couldn’t agree more, that you also have to just start… act… and it begins with you. Most things will work themselves out as you go.

Approach it on two fronts. One is in conversation. First establish a context… what do you want to accomplish from a relationship perspective? What is the point? What will success look like for you? What will it mean to you? Talk in terms of intimacy, connection, fulfillment, expression, trust, growth, etc. whatever it is for you… not specific acts (yet). Things in context are heard very differently than things out of context. For example, if you say, “I’d really love it if I could start fucking your ass sometimes.” and she has no context, what’s to keep her from thinking, ‘Has my pussy gotten looser?’, ‘Is he watching too much porn?’, ‘Is he bored with our sex life?’, ‘How we will deal with it if something goes wrong!”. If some hot guy that I have no context in which to hear his requests says to me, ‘take off your clothes and get on your knees’, I’m going to tell him what he can do with himself, and depending on the day maybe not in the nicest of ways. If my lover who adores me, and whom I have a long history of being rewarded beyond my wildest dreams when I trust him, says it, well, not only will i do it, but I’ll start shaking with anticipation as I do. Talk with her about a long-term vision of how the two of you could be together that will be inspiring to both of you.

The second front to approach it on is in action. Do something different, anything different. It can be a grand gesture or dare, a new implement, a new place, a new attitude, new wardrobe, it can be something simple. If you normally initiate by kissing her and fondling her. Start fondling her without kissing her. Just look into her eyes. If she stretches for the kiss, smile, but withold the kiss, instead touch her lips, her face, her throat with your fingers. Maybe slide your finger into her mouth. If your normally on the bed in front of her when you finger her, instead do it standing from behind her. If you normally give her what she asks for, the first time she asks, next time tease her instead. If she’s says faster, harder… go slower or pull all the way out instead. Different alone, means she has to start re-inventing what she will do. She has to process different, surprise makes people more present. I have no idea what you normally do, but figure out something that will surprise her.

Relative to sounds, trial and error. Play with what your doing. If you talk the whole time… talk less. If you don’t talk… talk more. Change the volume, tone, your position (behind her, close to her ear, against her lips) of your own sounds and talk… and as you make changes, watch her responses. If its working do it more, if it reverses do it less, if its unclear continue to experiment. If she does make any sound show clear appreciation (but subtly don’t make to big a deal of it). If she is making none, then try on occasion asking a question to get a vocalization, ‘How does that feel?’ if she doesn’t answer, roll right with it. Next time try a simpler question and give her more of a set up, say, ‘Oh my God that feels so good, doesn’t that feel good?’ If she so much as says, ‘mmmm’ let her see how much you love it, give her immediately more of what she loves. Part of why you are changing your own sounds, is to give yourself an appreciation for how hard it is to do what your asking. Don’t expect someone to be what they are not, appreciate small shifts, and figure out how to make things comfortable. There is a lot more here to explore, but this is a possible place to start.

Obviously, there is lots more to do and lots that you have to talk about directly, but I’d start here, get a couple of good experiences on both fronts under your belt to up the interest and create some level of shared understanding around what your up to before I started to do the things that are going to be a little tougher or more awkward at first for either or both of you.

p.s. I LOVE this idea!