I really like this Mr. X and I’m going to do it. I’ll leave my ‘breadcrumbs’ from wed here. Monday, I’ll write them on a pad as you’ve described and hope to be brave enough to deliver them directly (at a minimum leave them randomly behind). I think about how I would feel if one were delivered to me, how I would look at the person handing it over, how my face would split with glee as I did, and what that might create between us… A good chuckle at the least, with a little extra perk in my step. I wonder how many of those moments I can create for myself and others. I know they are out there, I know who and what I believe people to be. The challenge is finding how to access it, how to set it free, can be so variant, but I’m not exactly one to back down from a challenge, especially when good, human, gleeful, and surprising interactions are the possible outcome 🙂

7AM [lingering in bed, first day after a wax… I can’t believe how incredibly soft and velvety my lips are, it is heaven to pet them.] I don’t want to move. I think about what to wear, I want access to this tranquility all day… That makes me think immediately of his hand replacing mine. I feel longing, and with it recounting… I become wet, now I must force myself out of bed or I know I will get lost in this.

8:30AM [Long eye contact with a stranger, who has just walked past me with a twinkle in his eye] I think, ‘he has eyes like V’, V with his ripped body, who wants to rig me naked and suspended me from the ceiling… Has me thinking of the feel of rope against my skin. One of these days, my answer to him will be yes. Makes me feel sly, playful. I turn my headphones up and sway more loosely as I continue walking.

9:10AM [Woman in front of me with long, dreamy hair down to her waist. I walk too close too her, right up next to her, I have to touch it. I think ‘this is one of the reasons it is good to be a woman, I’d never get away with this stuff as a man. She is walking fast doesn’t even notice what I’ve done.]. I flash on the last time I was at a strip club, and the writhing luscious stripper in my lap, with her eyes locked on mine, her long hair draped down around us, inspiring me to break the rules. Makes me feel lecherous.

3:30PM [Talking with my office crush. He is young, very buttoned up, all Harvard alpha male. Not the type I usually go for, but we work together very well, have been through a lot together, and I’ve brushed up against his softer underbelly.] He gets very still, I see his jaw clinch. I am immediately excited… Fuck yes, He’s there! I keep talking, calm, monotone no pauses, no questions… Just let him drift for a moment in whatever sexual thing I know he is imagining doing to me. Makes me feel focused, and happy.

6:30PM [On the train, young woman Brazilian maybe, close to my height, but more petite, tousled thick jet black hair with a lace baby doll ribbon tied around the base of the pony tail on top of her head. Doc martins, black leggings, tight stripped cotton shirt, tailored waist cut leather bomber jacket, makeup heavy and flawless face like a model except her lips are too square with an extravagant pout… I love these lips. People have shifted, she has stepped into me, we are literally inches apart and I lean in. The predator inside of me wakes with a start, I want to open my hand wide and clinch her whole face, squeeze in at the jawline with my palm over her mouth, and fingers spread out and up across her eyes, feel the muscles in my arm flex, see her stare back at me wide eyed, open my mouth move to slowly lick suck and bite her whole face, smear her makeup… press her head back into a wall hold her like that while my other hand roughly rips her clothes off… Damn I am in a mood now.

7:15PM [At dinner with a group of four male friends. I’ve slept with one of them, S. We’ve known each other for ten years, slept together four times, most of these with many years in between. He is one of the most emotionally reserved people I know, this of course frustrates me to no end. He’s also incredibly gorgeous which makes me more tolerant of the aggravation than I should be.] I notice that S has gotten his first grays in his hair. This makes me start to really look at him. His face has matured, I start to obsess over his lips, he has the most charming little pucker. I have the most incredible urge to slide my fingers into his mouth, I can feel my fingers wet now and sliding over his lips. That makes me want to slide my tongue into his mouth. I notice he is staring at me. I stare directly back. He gets a sly grin. I feel damn horny! Realize it’s going to be a late night.

I left a small trail of these breadcrumbs last year around this time, in San Diego, including at the Miramar air force base. It was all very exciting, very hot.