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ellariasand posted an update in the group
Your Experiments 10 years, 7 months ago The Bicycle Experiment 2.5(?)
When I told my therapist about this and wondered why he would come out of the woodwork after an extended period of radio silence, she simply stated “Guys like him ALWAYS come back.”
I was nursing yet another case of heartache (aka The Bicycle Experiment 3.0, which I really don’t think I can write about just because it was so fleeting, but so strangely close and intimate I feel like some things should remain private) when I received a text.
“It’s been awhile since I puked on the (bike) trainer. Yay neuromuscular workouts! Mix that with a headcold and you’re gonna feel that one all day.”
Bear in mind I received this message at 10:00 a.m. while at work. I suppose at an anthropological level, this might be a sort of male cyclist mating display. Of course, he knows how much I love it when he goes hard. When I got home and was able to send a response, we exchanged the usual pleasantries of what we’ve been up to, mostly innocuous. He even gave me advice about road season and training.
At one point I saw him at a bar when I was at a bike social event, teased him with a text when I got home “Couldn’t come over and say hello?” Then there was a strange post comment exchange where he offhandedly mentioned having “stories” about being paid in services in exchange for sex while in college. I knew it was a trap, but I took the bait anyway and asked him via text to exchange a story for a story.
“In college I banged about 50? 60? Girls… something like that. I used to get phone calls in the middle of the night asking me to take their virginity. I have swiped 6 v-cards in college. I would tend to sleep in my own bed 1 time a week. I was mostly paid in food at the sorority houses. It was the best.” (some spelling and punctuation corrected because that would have just bothered me if I left it in, even with a [sic])
Everyone I’ve told this story to has the immediate reaction of “Ew.” Yet, for as much as I wanted to call bullshit on that whole story, I wanted him to continue. I wanted him to be every bit the bad boy that his reputation and my imagination had made him out to be. This was the same dirty lad who chased me in the woods on his bicycle, who had no qualms about changing out of his kit in front of everyone. He’s precisely the sort of guy I should stay away from, but for whatever reason won’t. He’s the course tape or barrier that I can’t look away from until it’s too late and I’ve already crashed into him.
The exchange continued and progressively got more filthy and ended with me commenting: “I forgot how much of a complete and utter cocktease you are.”
So why now? As soon as I saw his initial message, my first question was “What does he want?”
Let’s face it, I’ve been burned by him before, but that’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the heat prior to that. Even if this likely won’t lead to sex, I could use the target practice.
That doesn’t mean I’m not wary though. Song of the moment: W.D.Y.W.F.M. by The Neighbourhood
I suspect what he really wants is my attention (he made no mention of his girlfriend so once again this could just be baseless flirting). Well, he has it for the time being. Whether or not he wants to follow through with it is his own business.
I’d also like to add that I have a fantasy where I have him bent on all fours and ask him if he even remembers any of the names of the 50-60 girls he supposedly “banged” in college. Then I would hit him with the riding crop for each one of them (if he can’t remember/stumbles on a name, I hit him progressively harder).
I think this one needs to be double teamed for the whipping.
I read about your Bad Lad here and he just symbolizes so much of your rides and races. The obstacles that pop up. You know you can’t win all the time. But crossing the finish line is always a possibility. And the occasional win is so incredibly seductive, you keep going for it.
Sadly, I have yet to actually win a race, so this metaphor is accurate in a sad way.
One of my teammates interjected with “it’s not a game” when I talked about sabotaging my relationships by trying to look ten moves in. I should have replied with “Well, if romance/sex isn’t a game, then why do I always feel like I’m losing?”
Also, yes, double teaming for the whipping the Bad Lad would be great, especially since my carpal tunnel is flaring up again. He recently revealed to me that he actually doesn’t like bikes or a lot of people in the bike scene. He just lives for the pain and making others hurt/lose. Considering just a couple of months ago, he went on about how all he wanted was to go faster and be a better person, I’m really finding it difficult to believe anything he says anymore (between that and his bragging about his collegiate sexual record). Someone ought to teach that boy a lesson… I just wish it could be me.
Still, if there’s anything I should learn from the bike experiment 3.0 (which I still can’t fully write about without it stinging a bit), it’s that there will always be leggy, lycra-clad lads out there and that some of them are of better moral mettle than others. As much as I love a bad boy who goes hard and fast, there is something to be said about a long, slow, satisfying ride. [although the subject of 3.0 is significantly faster than 2.0 on the road… and I have the data to prove it]
For now, I’m just doing as many group rides and races as I can to try to focus again on what matters. As they say, it really is all about the bike.
From the bit you’ve written about him, he sounds to me like he is an ‘opportunist’. A guy who wants whatever the situation or the girl will allow. He takes what comes easy and via his ‘usual’ methods and he cares for it as something that is usual and came easy. I would ask you, if you actually do already know this or feel this to be true? And if it is the case, do you already know that you don’t want that? If he is not clear or readable or consistent around more than that, then likely he hasn’t found nor is he functional around serving that part of himself that needs more than that yet.
This does not make him bad. It does not make him someone you can only run away from.
However, I would caution you against playing his game, since you know it is not where you want to go (it does not even go where he wants to go, he just hasn’t figured that out yet). This means the question my dear, really is, what do YOU want from this? There are things you may want overall, but that you know he can not give you right now. Take those things off the table (or depending on where you are with this, go somewhere else). Think about who he actually is, not who you wish him to be (yes, we can all make each other better, but that, in ways that are in line with things like the level of meaning, trust, and rappoire established and you are better off not to act as if those (and the associated possibilities) are there until they actually are there and very real). There is an opportunity here for you to develop your own power and composure, your ability to hold your own and be steady, and get what you want, even around other’s superciliousness… Which by the way, the world is full of. With this boy, you must do things on your terms. You must be realistic about what he can and can’t offer you. He can not take you, he can not bring you to your most authentic self, he can not witness you, or be a partner to you from where he sounds like he is. He has not yet come to understand or desire or seek for these things himself. Perhaps explore whether he can be some other thing that you do want or would enjoy with him, do it to learn, to connect in real but also realistic ways, and to build your repertoire and to be distracted when you want to be, etc. but be honest with yourself about what it is and what he is capable of, if he shows more, then shift accordingly, but don’t pretend you don’t know what you know, and don’t give him responsibility over parts of you, that you know he can not handle responsibly and then be surprised when he doesn’t.
As for the races… Just change the definition of winning 😉
Oh I am well aware that he’s a trap and his interest in me is most likely proportional to how much attention he is or isn’t getting from others.
Very astute observations. I told a friend of mine the story of one of my gym teachers in high school. I loathed this guy since he had the stench of failed college athlete wafting of of him in waves. Instead of minding the class, he would play basketball with the guys in the class who were on the team, showing off in front of the girls who were cheerleaders/attractive (I later found out that he got fired for a “closed door” incident with one of the female students). The point of this story is that this very well could be the future of this guy if he doesn’t get his act sorted (especially since he technically has a teaching degree and isn’t really qualified for a lot else if he doesn’t want to end up stuck doing small regional races and working in a bike shop the rest of his life). Or being that creep who hits on college girls at the bar, except his success will be considerably limited if he isn’t as athletic or good-looking as he gets older. I’m tempted to tell him this story should I find myself alone in his company, just to see if he would get it. I won’t though, as it’s not my job to fix it. Sometimes a girl just wants to have a bit of fun with a bad boy.
Like I said, I could use the target practice and the flirting is fun. I just won’t keep doing it if it stops being fun.
The subject of the Bicycle Experiment 3.0 (who I’m still tentatively friends with despite how it still hurts that nothing could/would happen with him for various reasons) is a perfect gentleman, one that you would introduce to your mother over brunch. Our interactions came from a place of honesty and I suppose tenderness (I’ve always found that term uncomfortable, maybe a bit too twee). 2.0/2.5 is one you enjoy in private (if there is anything to be enjoyed) and pretend like nothing happened and avoid contact with at social functions. Our interactions came from a place of sexual curiosity and a desire to push boundaries.
Also, I consider wins to be gains, no matter how small. If I can do a lap progressively faster or corner a bit sharper, then I consider that to be a win. Likewise, I suppose learning something out of every entanglement, or in this case, near-entrapment is something.
Got it! And sounds like you do too. Agree completely with the last paragraph.
P.s. Nothing wrong with tenderness, sometimes it is in fact just exactly what we need. There is not one of us that is invulnerable nor should we be. 🙂
P.s.s. Keep the adventures coming!