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ellariasand posted an update in the group
Your Fantasies 12 years, 1 month ago The Conversation Fantasy
It appears that the mourning period for my former partner-in-crime from The Bicycle Experiment has passed… although I have the conundrum of being attracted to one of his friends from the cycling scene. What can I say about this particular young man? If a comprehensive visual dictionary existed, his picture would be listed under the entry “tall, dark, and handsome.” However, for the past couple of months, I was convinced he did not like me at all, as he would politely excuse himself at parties when I approached. It was almost something straight out of a Jane Austen novel.
I shamelessly flirted with him at a more recent party, where he called my exaggerated claim of once being able to leg press 400 lbs by offering to act as a human barbell (made of about 6’1,” 220 lbs of solid muscle) across my shoulders in a fireman’s carry. Sure, I could stand for a moment, but bending into the squat, I lost balance and dropped him. I apparently got so drunk that I didn’t even remember practically being on his lap for most of the evening. Although I do recall a rather interesting conversation we had about the dilemma of having to reach into your underwear for your keys after an underwear run. At some point, he randomly let me touch his thighs, hard and muscular after much cycling and rowing.
Bruised body and ego aside, I recently apologized for my behavior and he more or less said he was interested in pursuing a friendship. Recalling that he had gotten rid of his smartphone out of the desire to not have to be so “plugged in” all the time, I had a peculiar notion. I started fantasizing about having late night conversations with him, not necessarily of the sexual nature either (although that had occurred to me). I feel that something lacking in my generation is the ability to hold a decent conversation over the phone. We’ve gotten so used to posting tweets or status updates, sending abbreviated text messages and putting ourselves out there that it’s all just a wall of text with no one really reading it, no one really saying much of anything so much as maintaining the image of who we think other people think we should be.
I want to talk to him, and more importantly, listen. I want to hear his sonorous voice talk about books he’s been reading, tell stories of his various adventures on two wheels or on the river. Then I want to go deeper, find out what he fears, what he desires (sexually wouldn’t hurt either). I want to know the sorts of things about him nobody posts on public forums.
I have an information addiction and getting it straight from the source is probably like morphine to me. The more I know, the more I want to know. Unlike my last paramour, who I found out after the fact had a less-than-savory reputation and was less than well-liked in the community despite his ubiquity, people speak well of Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome… although he did joke that maybe he’d become an asshole once I got to know him better.
Perhaps enough conversations will finally stop me from having lurid fantasies about him brushing his rather well-kept sideburns against my thighs, or fucking in standing position with my legs wrapped around his waist without having to brace against a wall, since he could clearly hold the weight.
Our lives today are very much high speed and remote. I am old fashioned and believe that your thoughts on conversations are quite accurate. It is a little harder to hide in conversations. Conversations do take time. And time, enough of it, will be the true test of sustenance and consistency. Investment in time is necessary to learn about him and about you, with him.
I also really relate to your points around the deterioration of the real art behind conversation… Funny you should mention Jane Austen in the same story, whose dialogue is so concise and loaded with meaning and innuendo and tradition… And so different from the way we approach ‘trendy’ dialogue today. I am not just old fashioned, I’m actually old, so I am definitely nostalgic for a lot of things like…. Spending a day with someone without a single interaction with a device for example. We are losing our ability to be in the present moment, with the person in front of us and it is to core to our happiness and ability to actually be connected, not just feel short sequential rushes from being ‘shouted out to’, to lose.
Your sensitivity is seductive as always, E. Here’s to other bicycle paths and the laps of men who know how to talk.
Well there clearly is consensus in these parts around the notion of how technology can act as a barrier to real intimacy. Connecting directly with others is as fundamental to our well being and happiness as anything else we could do (I actually think it is more important than anything else). The real problem lies in the fact that modern communications technology really does “work”. It IS more efficient and DOES allows us to connect with such a profoundly larger and more diverse sphere of people which in the age of collaborative and crowd sourced thinking is infinitely more “powerful” than anything in history of mankind. But at the end of the day we are not machines and an efficient life almost certainly will not lead to a better, happier, more rewarding/fulfilled life for the vast majority of us. With a few exceptions, almost everyone who is here on this site are using the amazing wonderful possibilities of technology to actually try and find a way to find and foster and develop intimate connections with others who share their passions and have chose this venue because it is not published on some wall that would cause problems or backlash against them if it were known what they really thought and felt. That says a lot about where we are as a society, but it also makes perfect sense. Where technology fails is in helping (or allowing) people to develop something that many are beginning to believe is THE most important determinant of success and happiness in life – Emotional Intelligence. So, my advice is this…live your life being fearless when it comes to demanding that the people you spend your time with are able to embrace your need for intimate personal connections. My suspicion is that most other people desperately crave such interactions even if they aren’t doing it or realize its importance. Over time, you will find that those people who have the EI to realize the value of this will learn to appreciate and even embrace that concept and all others with whom they can share those connections. Those are the people with whom you will discover and experience true happiness (even when it does lead to heartache). What i know firsthand is this, in the long run, anyone who doesn’t posses the EI to join you in that journey will forever frustrate and disappoint you with potentially devastating consequences later in your life! Never be afraid of feeling or demanding that those around you are able to feel!
Incredibly well said, James. Special butterfly kisses for you, anywhere you want them.