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lake posted an update 11 years, 3 months ago
If I asked, is it possible to love someone and want nothing from them… I think many would pause before answering.
If I said, loving someone is not about what you can take from them, not about expecting something back, but rather how you can add to them, even how you can serve whom you cherish, adore, respect, admire. Do you agree more readily? Or less?
What about in practice? Is your primary intent to make them stronger/more? Do you love without demands or obligation… without expectation even? How about do you require that they love you back? How much of your motivation is the desire for them to love you back? Are you grateful for the fact that they are someone you love regardless? Have you ever felt loved in this way?
Unless you have no self-worth, I do not think it is possible to love someone without wanting their love in return. Love is a special gift with the minimal expectation that the gift will be appreciated and cherished. I do not think love should be about taking, adding or any of the things you mentioned. I think it should merely be the basis for a primal trust that can be built, over time, so that people can risk taking a joint journey with as little fear, or with as much fear as possible.
Love in practice often turns out to be about building a relationship around the theory that love is the solid foundation. Love is not made of platinum or diamond. Love is very fragile. If you want a relationship based on love, then the love has to include a mutual vow to work hard, and work harder as time passes, to keep the relationship growing on the love.
Thank you both for replying on this one. I have realized, I am starting to think about certain things particularly relationships in a fundamentally different way. As that is happening, it is helpful and interesting to bounce some thoughts out there to hear a reaction and see other sides of it held up.
I think a lot of the change has to do with being at a point in my life where my interactions can be almost completely about the connection and the experience without validation and relationship status playing much of a part.